BBQ Chicken

I have been trying, this summer, to become more independent around the house. I caulked a portion of the bathroom I've wanted done for some time but decided to quit complaining to my hubbie about it because he sure as hell wasn't going to do it. It turned out alright. I decided that BBQ chicken sounded good and very summery I might add but due to Jesse's shitty work schedule I would have to wait a few days for him to do the grilling. AHHHH... (insert heavenly sounds) I would buy a bag of charcoal and do it myself. I dumped the charcoal in the grill and tried to light it--nothing. I remember Jesse would add some gas, so I followed suit. Much to Dax's amusement, and two tries, I about lit myself on fire, almost shit myself and had an inferno for about 10 seconds. WTF??? I decided I would get a old limb from my apple tree and start it like a campfire. The stick burned for about 60 seconds and smoked like a son-of-a-bitch. Ok, I'm pissed now. I thought paper was the answer, and you can probably see what is coming from this. It burned and started floating away like paper does. GGGGRRRRREEEEAAAAT! I'm going to torch the whole neighborhood. I decided to come inside and preheat the friggin oven because I am obviously inapt to do this. No I'm not a complete moron: I put the lid on the grill so that the paper wouldn't ALL float away. After preparing the chicken and while waiting for preheat light to come on, I decided I would check on the grill. OMG--It was a smokin!! I opened it and the charcoal was turning grey!! YEA!! I ran inside and grabbed my plate of raw poultry and began slopping it onto the grill. At 20 minutes I checked on it and it's grilling nicely, just like on TV (with the yummy smell included of course). 45 minutes and I notice both sides are darkening....I realize I have absolutely NO idea how to tell if grilled chicken is done. I don't want to kill my family with some undercooked bird. WHAT DO I DO? Panic, darty eyes, constant flipping of the chicken pieces, slicing one open and realizing I don't know what I'm looking for... OHHHHHH SSSHHHHHIIITTTTT it'll be black in no time.
Oh good, Jesse just called he is running late but will be home in about 10 minutes. So much for BBQ independence.