I DID IT!!

I have officially earned my Masters Degree in Education!!  Defending my thesis was scarier than hell but I lived through it and it was a GREAT project.  My awesome mom and sister brought this to my classroom for celebration.  Leave it to Miss Holiday to never miss a significant event!

Great Link

This is a better argument than I could ever have created...

Happy Reading!

Christmas Memories

I've become very nostalgic as of late. Decorating and preparing for Christmas gets me thinking about the Christmases I had as a child and the small details that I will forever connect with the holiday:

--the hiss and pop of the Christmas album playing on my grandparent's turntable (Brenda Lee, Gene Autry, and the gang have never sounded as good since)

--trying to make it so the colored bulbs on my Grandma's ceramic tree were truly varied (there is no way to ensure two of the same color will not be side by side)

--the smell of my mother's, decorative and not to be lit, Christmas candles (I equally liked the smell before and after my sister and I lit them to have our very own Christmas morning about a week before the actual date)

--ribbon candy. I have always hated the taste but miss it sticking to the inside of stockings

--My name in huge glitter letters on a bright red stocking

--everyone sitting around the table talking or playing board games, two gallons of eggnog toddies later (Grandma always at the head of the table and me snuggled next)

--smell of Cherry Halls cough drops: for about 4 years in a row I was blessed with a horrendous cough and sore throat for Christmas Eve

--my dad pointing out the ACTUAL sound of hooves on the roof on Christmas Eve (doesn't everyone have left over deer legs in their yard for such reasons?)

--the school sing along: Kindergarten through 5th grade crammed into the gym singing to the words on the overhead....very out of key, soooo not politically correct

--getting "dressed to the nines" for Christmas Eve at my Grandma and Grandpa Sheppard's. HUGE party, everyone dressed up, and the table set nice enough for Martha Stewart to be envious

May you all reminisce on the little things that make this season so great.....and it is NEVER the presents that are remembered.

Merry Christmas!

Judging (and mentally punishing) oneself

I always read through MSNBC while I eat my lunch and today I came across a link, link, link about "No Judgement Day". Basically it is a day set aside by Redbook magazine encouraging mothers to quit judging other mothers. One part of the article really stuck with me; it was about judging ourselves based upon how "others" think we should parent. Great day for me to read this!

Tel had an assembly today: received an award for the Reflections contest (theme: Diversity) and probably a reading award but I had to miss it because I had to get back to work. It is times like this that I wonder why I went full time....of course the insurance is better, I had to finish my Masters degree and being full time would help with loan forgiveness, and I had always said "it was the plan" but what about my baby? I'm not having anymore kids and Tel isn't getting younger; the events I miss now can never be replaced.

To make matters worse, my camera was jacked and the only pictures I got of him getting the only award I could watch were either back of the head shots or blurred beyond belief.

So, in order to remember this day: GREAT JOB TEL!! I am so proud of your writing and reading abilities. May you always remember that you do not need an award to remind you of your worth. You are an amazing, inquisitive boy and I am proud to call you my son. Keep up the good work!! I hope to never miss another ceremony but you know that isn't a guarantee. I hope that I am instilling a good work ethic in you when I do have to miss.

Tackle Football!

My hubbie & his bitches!

(he has referred to us as such for almost 20 years now)

A couple of weeks ago the moms from Youth Football USA played against the moms from the city league team. Full contact, tackle football! It was so much fun; I played outside linebacker and right tackle. The "line" I was on only played 4 downs of defense and the rest of the game as offense. As a linebacker I missed one tackle because I was too high and was in on my next tackle. THEY ANNOUNCED MY NAME ON THE LOUD SPEAKER! It was so cool. I am now not only addicted to watching football but I love to play as well.

The Spectrum had a write up and everything!

It was for a good cause: October is breast cancer awareness, hence the pink. We donated all of the proceeds to the new cancer wing at Valley View Medical Center. I can't wait until next year!

PS we lost; but we'll woop 'em next time!!

Mini Breakdown

Just a little one, nothing to drastic, just the sit and stare at a wall and, with all of my might, hold back tears.

I have enjoyed having my kids home for the past few days; we are on "fall break". I have forgotten what it was like to hear them around doing their thing and not having to rush, rush here or there and everywhere.

I have also been so happy/proud/feeling lucky to have such a great hubby who will put any and all of his plans on hold to redecorate Dax's bedroom at my whim. I mean repaint and re-floor, re-baseboard, re-shelf, and re-arrange. He almost had it completed but now has to go back to work and will finish on his next days off. It has a more grown up feel and I feel like he will be able to mature in this room; better than the camouflage walls :)

Back to my breakdown: I don't know what I was thinking. I can't do this Masters' thesis. I stare at walls, I stare at journal articles, I stare at computer screens, I just stare. I am so scared, I feel so inadequate and the more I work on the thesis the more I realize I am not as educated as I once believed myself to be. I am thousands of dollars in debt and thousands of hours have been spent toward this degree and I fear that I may not be able to finish. My proposal class meets once a month and shares what everyone is doing...one student began her sharing session with the fact that she has hired a grammar coach who is helping her write her thesis. Ummmm WTF???? Where do you find someone like that? I will find the money....I know the information I want in the paper but I have no f-ing idea on how to put it there. I can read and summarize, read and test, read and whatever the hell else but read and write a friggin 20+ page thesis. I don't know where to begin, I don't know how to begin so I will continue to stare at the wall and hold back my flood of tears.

My sons and I go back to school tomorrow; it really has been nice to not have to be anywhere at a certain time. I miss the do nothing days.

Teaching is so easy; anyone can do it.

Yep, I was told that this morning. It took everything I had not to burst into tears and then it took the rest to keep my cool....relatively. I didn't flip completely out and I did keep my voice down so I would say I remained calm.

I missed my sons' football practice, again, because I had a class that will help my teaching ability. I am at wits end with full time work, a hubby with a crappy schedule (we only see each other at the kids' games anymore), kid stuff 5 days a week (piano, practice, and games), preparation for my full time work (oh wait, its easy why do I need to prepare), aaaannnndddd the tail end of my Masters degree. I'm in the thesis writing class and it is way over my head.

I'm in the program to become a better teacher. Yes, I will get a pay raise but it is NO WHERE near enough to justify the work and sacrifice a person goes through. So, if its so damn easy why is it so damn HARD for me????

When I feel like crying I think about the grateful kids I instruct and that keeps me going but now I find that they aren't so grateful. What can I use to stay strong now?

Luckily it is Friday so I only have to hold back tears for a couple of hours and then I can open the flood gates for two days all the while trying to focus through the streams on the paper that is due next week.

Happy Friday! or something like that :(