Feeling Sorry for Myself & Procrastination, or is it depression?

I've been snappy to my children all day, for no apparent reason. I didn't go to my friends cardio class this morning like I normally do and avoided her phone call when I'm sure she was trying to find out where I was. I've done the dishes and washed a load of clothes; but one sits awaiting my return for it to dry on the line. Today is the Saturday of a three day President's Day, weekend which includes Valentines; I should be elated but I'm not. I've sat and watched vehicle after vehicle drive by with only front seat riders, no children, heading south while my husband sleeps away. I have barely gotten dressed, half-assed combed my hair and have NOT brushed my teeth.

You are asking what do all of these have to do with one another and why the hell is she telling us about it; the answer is a question actually. Am I just feeling sorry for my self, procrastinating like I sometimes do or am I suffering from a bout of depression? They are all likely candidates: I could be falling into a self-involved spiral and I have been known to take a lazy day but then there is that family history of clinical depression. How do I know which it is? Who cares.

I wish my husband had a normal job where we could have "date nights" and spend weekends with one another. I say this on the cusp of a rumored lay off at his place of employment, how can I be so self absorbed.

I want my house to be "finished" and pristine clean as I once made it but where to begin, I get more and more upset about the unfinished parts as I move from room to room. Again, if said hubby had a said normal hour/shift, more work he starts at home would be finished.

I didn't go to the gym today because the workout I do on Saturdays is so strenuous that I lack energy to do the deep clean I had envisioned for today and now I sit with my house a mess and not because I was working my ass off, pun intended.

So if the feelings of sadness continue for the weekend is it depression or is it because the weekend of Valentines Day has been commercialized so badly that if one does not receive the commercialized weekend one believes she is being shorted. I don't want roses, they die. I'd rather have the money--- I really would just like the one on one time. Now it has come to a head, writing will do that. Indeed I believe I have answered my own question; it is feeling sorry for myself and it will probably continue until Tuesday because then V Day will have been dead and gone and I will go back to not having spontaneous romance and unrealistic "surprises" shoved down my throat by every television station across the land AND I won't be witnessing couples leaving town, just the two of them. They will be leaving town singularly heading to work and I will be here, enjoying my day off.

Thanks for letting me vent. Have a great loooooooong weekend!