I'm Thankful

After reading my last blog too many times I realize that I sound ungrateful and that I am NOT. So to try and undo the done, I will devote today's blog to what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for a husband who has an excellent work ethic who not only believes a man should always work to support his family but that a man must continue to work at a shitty job if that is what is necessary.

I am also thankful for my husband being an excellent dad: he has been hands on from the moment my boys breathed air and lives for his daddy-son time.

I am thankful for parents who love me unconditionally and who influenced me to have everything in life I wish for.

I am thankful for Jesse's parents for raising such a good man. They taught him that the "extras" in life cost and in order to pay for them you must work, they taught him the importance of doing everything in your power to be at your children's "functions" and they taught him to be kind and compassionate.

I am thankful for being able to work in a career that I love!!

I am thankful for two beautiful, healthy, smart, kind, and loving boys.

I am thankful for food in my house, a roof over my head, and a dependable car to transport my family.

I am thankful for Jesse's mom and the decision she made to quit her job of 20 years to stay home and watch grand babies. I am also thankful for her willingness to help us out whenever we need no matter what it is; there are many times that transporting children needs to be done while I am to be in a meeting, etc.

I am thankful for grandparents who had a very large hand in raising me; they are/were the most understanding and non-judgmental people I have ever known.

I am thankful to live in the town in which I grew up; I can feel safe knowing my children can run and play without the worries of many cities/towns. I know that no matter where they are in this town, someone who knows them can see them. They may not be as thankful when they are teens; I know that from first hand knowledge.

I am thankful for snow because it is necessary for my garden to grow; yet I am more thankful for the warm sun that helps as well.

I am thankful for good friends who are always there when I need them without strings or expectations.

Now, I don't feel as selfish as I sounded. I hope that I have redeemed myself :)
Until next time.......

Feeling Sorry for Myself & Procrastination, or is it depression?

I've been snappy to my children all day, for no apparent reason. I didn't go to my friends cardio class this morning like I normally do and avoided her phone call when I'm sure she was trying to find out where I was. I've done the dishes and washed a load of clothes; but one sits awaiting my return for it to dry on the line. Today is the Saturday of a three day President's Day, weekend which includes Valentines; I should be elated but I'm not. I've sat and watched vehicle after vehicle drive by with only front seat riders, no children, heading south while my husband sleeps away. I have barely gotten dressed, half-assed combed my hair and have NOT brushed my teeth.

You are asking what do all of these have to do with one another and why the hell is she telling us about it; the answer is a question actually. Am I just feeling sorry for my self, procrastinating like I sometimes do or am I suffering from a bout of depression? They are all likely candidates: I could be falling into a self-involved spiral and I have been known to take a lazy day but then there is that family history of clinical depression. How do I know which it is? Who cares.

I wish my husband had a normal job where we could have "date nights" and spend weekends with one another. I say this on the cusp of a rumored lay off at his place of employment, how can I be so self absorbed.

I want my house to be "finished" and pristine clean as I once made it but where to begin, I get more and more upset about the unfinished parts as I move from room to room. Again, if said hubby had a said normal hour/shift, more work he starts at home would be finished.

I didn't go to the gym today because the workout I do on Saturdays is so strenuous that I lack energy to do the deep clean I had envisioned for today and now I sit with my house a mess and not because I was working my ass off, pun intended.

So if the feelings of sadness continue for the weekend is it depression or is it because the weekend of Valentines Day has been commercialized so badly that if one does not receive the commercialized weekend one believes she is being shorted. I don't want roses, they die. I'd rather have the money--- I really would just like the one on one time. Now it has come to a head, writing will do that. Indeed I believe I have answered my own question; it is feeling sorry for myself and it will probably continue until Tuesday because then V Day will have been dead and gone and I will go back to not having spontaneous romance and unrealistic "surprises" shoved down my throat by every television station across the land AND I won't be witnessing couples leaving town, just the two of them. They will be leaving town singularly heading to work and I will be here, enjoying my day off.

Thanks for letting me vent. Have a great loooooooong weekend!

Status Update

I seem to be able to update the "happenings" in my life on both my Facebook and MySpace (yes, I still MySpace; I have a cousin stationed in South Korea and this is our only way of communicating) but have a difficult time updating my blog. I wonder if the status update on social networking sites is more approachable because I am not pressured into writing something of length or depth whereas here I am. Due to the status update habit I have, I will devote this entire post to just that.

I became a football addict this year and my fave team made it to and won Superbowl 44. Go Saints!

Remodeling and refurbishing bedrooms! Almost done and they look GREAT!!

Feeling like an incompetent teacher as of late; nothing to warrant it just me being me.

We have caught EVERY illness that has gone around this year; lots of days out of school for the boys good thing they are geniuses!

Tel knows all of his letters (capitals and lowercase) and their sounds--- Kindergarten will be a breeze!

Dax is still awesome at school; reads on a high school level and understands it too. Next year is his last in elementary.

Jesse and Dax's PineWood Derby car took 2nd place; way to go Cub Scouts.

Planning our first camping trip for the end of March; cannot wait.

Have been away from the gym for two weeks because I have been sick (and both children); went yesterday and my calves are really feeling it.

Rumors about NASA being put on hold are making me nervous about Jesse's job security. So far we are the only ones in our family not being hit by the economy downfall. Praying daily.


That was SO much easier than really telling anything. If you are really interested in the outcome of any of my status updates, comment and I will elaborate. Otherwise, have a great week and I hope I have something of substance to write about soon.