Bitches

When the male turkey approaches a female or a group of females he flairs his tail feathers, which are beautiful, puffs out his chest so he appears more masculine and does a type of dance that proves to the female that he is more special than the next guy. When a human female approaches a group of human females she sucks in her gut, holds her shoulders back as far as possible so that her boobs look extra large/perky, and puts on her best fake smile to prove to the other females that she is super nice and wants to be accepted all the while she is inspecting every physical aspect of the group. It doesn't matter if you are the super skinny chick with the tight ass and perky tits or the "bigger boned" sweet spirit (who truly does think of others before herself) we all do this. We compare ourselves with all the other females we encounter and quietly inside our calculating mind we are thinking "yea if I had $50,000 burning a hole in my pocket I'd talk to your doctor and order your body too" or "who does she think she is I know that no one is that nice what the hell does she want" or "not a bad ass, I wish I had the will power for the squats it took to get that" or any of the other thoughts we play with. Why are all women bitches, why do we feel we must compare ourselves to others who share the same insecurities? I wonder these things but I, too, am guilty of thinking nasty things. I have a friend who not only thinks these things but says them out loud. I love her to death and she totally cracks me up, but what the hell. I had just purchased a new pair of jeans (I was out of town and had forgotten the flats that went with the jeans I packed. I tried to find new flats but no avail) and she was commenting on the brand they were and the price they might have been. Who the f--- cares, you could buy them too and you probably do but I don't say shit about it. I don't think she meant anything by it but we were in a crowd of people, most of whom I do not know, and I felt a tad bit insecure. I understand we all think these things, but please don't say it out loud. I am guilty of a similar situation: like you all know I go to the gym religiously. Anyway I also have to take a monthly teacher training class where I have a classmate (an elementary teacher--I have no idea of her name or school) who also goes to the gym regularly. This teacher is stick thin, maybe a size 1--just really tiny so she is able to wear those lycra tops that we see women wear on the bowflex commercial. The problem is she chooses not to wear a bra. I do understand that she has zero body fat and could easily go without one in everyday clothing but in the workout gear it is totally poke your eye out, don't get to close. I don't speak to her at the gym or at our teacher prep class but I am constantly thinking "do you really think you look hot with your RT at the gym" everywhere I see her. I am such a bitch! A nice person would tactfully speak to her about the new crayon look because maybe she is totally unaware. I don't know how to do this but it would be nice. The point of all this incoherence is that we all think evil things and maybe we could work on being nicer.

End note: if you came walking out of the restroom with your skirt tucked into your thong, I would tell you and it probably wouldn't be tactful.