I have enjoyed having my kids home for the past few days; we are on "fall break". I have forgotten what it was like to hear them around doing their thing and not having to rush, rush here or there and everywhere.
I have also been so happy/proud/feeling lucky to have such a great hubby who will put any and all of his plans on hold to redecorate Dax's bedroom at my whim. I mean repaint and re-floor, re-baseboard, re-shelf, and re-arrange. He almost had it completed but now has to go back to work and will finish on his next days off. It has a more grown up feel and I feel like he will be able to mature in this room; better than the camouflage walls :)
Back to my breakdown: I don't know what I was thinking. I can't do this Masters' thesis. I stare at walls, I stare at journal articles, I stare at computer screens, I just stare. I am so scared, I feel so inadequate and the more I work on the thesis the more I realize I am not as educated as I once believed myself to be. I am thousands of dollars in debt and thousands of hours have been spent toward this degree and I fear that I may not be able to finish. My proposal class meets once a month and shares what everyone is doing...one student began her sharing session with the fact that she has hired a grammar coach who is helping her write her thesis. Ummmm WTF???? Where do you find someone like that? I will find the money....I know the information I want in the paper but I have no f-ing idea on how to put it there. I can read and summarize, read and test, read and whatever the hell else but read and write a friggin 20+ page thesis. I don't know where to begin, I don't know how to begin so I will continue to stare at the wall and hold back my flood of tears.
My sons and I go back to school tomorrow; it really has been nice to not have to be anywhere at a certain time. I miss the do nothing days.
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