nothing resembling organized thoughts

I am on here because I am looking up how to broil sirloin steak. I began learning how to cook about 7 years ago when my oldest son needed to start eating REAL food and due to my hubbie's shitty work schedule. J isn't always here at night to cook us dinner and it was ok for me to go without but I couldn't let my kid go without and Hot Pockets and other frozen delights aren't really what I wanted to raise my child on. As you can see I haven't found the recipe and I'm having a difficult time doing so because I am surfing and now blogging because I haven't done so in a LONG time. Today is J's 30th birthday. He is at work and won't return until way past our dinner time but I thought it would be nice of me to cook his fave meal and have it waiting for him when he arrives. I wanted to do something special for his big day but he wasn't into it. I got him a couple little gifts so that my boys could watch him unwrap something. J will probably be mad because he told me not to buy him anything. It isn't the "I don't want to admit I'm growing older so I will ignore my birthday and force everyone else to ignore it too" syndrome, he just hates the big "to do's" I do for holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions. I was raised this way. Birthdays were as big as a "normal" family's Christmas, 4th of July, Pioneer Day, and Halloween celebrations lasted two days, I would walk into a bedroom loaded with "valentines" after school each year, Easter encompassed new outfits and a loaded basket, and Christmas was obscene. I am speaking in past tense but it still continues today. Santa Claus still visits my parent's house for my sister and I (and our kids). My mom's nickname is literally "Miss Holiday", given to her by my father. We were by no means rich when I was a child. My family qualified for state aid. My mom just pulled cash out of her ass when she felt it was necessary--HOLIDAYS!! I was talking to my aunt the other day and she said that she saw my mom wandering around the store and asked what she was looking for. My mom said she didn't know for sure but she needed to get a gift for "my girls" (my sister and I) for the end of the school year because this is what she has always done. Yes, she does give us a "end of school year" gift every year. When we were in school it was an obvious celebration, and yes, I do teach now so it could be carried over. But what about Day??? She doesn't attend nor work at a school and technically I don't need a "graduated another grade level" gift anymore. Chances are she will get one for the grand kids too: 1 for completing Kindergarten, 1 for completing the 2nd grade, and 2 for entering pre-school next year. That is TRULY how she justifies her celebrations. It is very corny but oh so sweet. I love my mom and the only thing that makes her happy to her toes is doing something nice for someone else. I have fallen victim to her footsteps, hence the gifts where there was no desire, the dinner I don't know how to cook, and the cake that I will probably eat myself and gain a huge ass for the summer. Happy Birthday J! I love you Mom, thanks for teaching me to celebrate life, with gifts!!!