Change

I fear change. I stress about it when it happens. I become an insomniac, then a zombie due to lack of sleep. I procrastinate. I clean, re-clean, and clean again. I bitch about the changes (even if I really don't care about them). I get snooty to those who try to change things. I get snotty to those who change things even when they are just following directions. There is a direct correlation between my eyes and my fears: the more I roll my eyes, the more I am afraid of the changes. These are all my very unhealthy defense mechanisms for one of my biggest fears: CHANGE. Any change, all change.......... I like a nice vanilla life where everything is planned in advance and nothing unexpected comes about. I know why I fear it and I know I don't need to. It is irrational. It is one of the things that causes my OCD to go into hyper-drive. At 33 I know change is inevitable, however it doesn't haunt my less.