I've been snappy to my children all day, for no apparent reason. I didn't go to my friends cardio class this morning like I normally do and avoided her phone call when I'm sure she was trying to find out where I was. I've done the dishes and washed a load of clothes; but one sits awaiting my return for it to dry on the line. Today is the Saturday of a three day President's Day, weekend which includes Valentines; I should be elated but I'm not. I've sat and watched vehicle after vehicle drive by with only front seat riders, no children, heading south while my husband sleeps away. I have barely gotten dressed, half-assed combed my hair and have NOT brushed my teeth.
You are asking what do all of these have to do with one another and why the hell is she telling us about it; the answer is a question actually. Am I just feeling sorry for my self, procrastinating like I sometimes do or am I suffering from a bout of depression? They are all likely candidates: I could be falling into a self-involved spiral and I have been known to take a lazy day but then there is that family history of clinical depression. How do I know which it is? Who cares.
I wish my husband had a normal job where we could have "date nights" and spend weekends with one another. I say this on the cusp of a rumored lay off at his place of employment, how can I be so self absorbed.
I want my house to be "finished" and pristine clean as I once made it but where to begin, I get more and more upset about the unfinished parts as I move from room to room. Again, if said hubby had a said normal hour/shift, more work he starts at home would be finished.
I didn't go to the gym today because the workout I do on Saturdays is so strenuous that I lack energy to do the deep clean I had envisioned for today and now I sit with my house a mess and not because I was working my ass off, pun intended.
So if the feelings of sadness continue for the weekend is it depression or is it because the weekend of Valentines Day has been commercialized so badly that if one does not receive the commercialized weekend one believes she is being shorted. I don't want roses, they die. I'd rather have the money--- I really would just like the one on one time. Now it has come to a head, writing will do that. Indeed I believe I have answered my own question; it is feeling sorry for myself and it will probably continue until Tuesday because then V Day will have been dead and gone and I will go back to not having spontaneous romance and unrealistic "surprises" shoved down my throat by every television station across the land AND I won't be witnessing couples leaving town, just the two of them. They will be leaving town singularly heading to work and I will be here, enjoying my day off.
Thanks for letting me vent. Have a great loooooooong weekend!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Status Update
I seem to be able to update the "happenings" in my life on both my Facebook and MySpace (yes, I still MySpace; I have a cousin stationed in South Korea and this is our only way of communicating) but have a difficult time updating my blog. I wonder if the status update on social networking sites is more approachable because I am not pressured into writing something of length or depth whereas here I am. Due to the status update habit I have, I will devote this entire post to just that.
I became a football addict this year and my fave team made it to and won Superbowl 44. Go Saints!
Remodeling and refurbishing bedrooms! Almost done and they look GREAT!!
Feeling like an incompetent teacher as of late; nothing to warrant it just me being me.
We have caught EVERY illness that has gone around this year; lots of days out of school for the boys good thing they are geniuses!
Tel knows all of his letters (capitals and lowercase) and their sounds--- Kindergarten will be a breeze!
Dax is still awesome at school; reads on a high school level and understands it too. Next year is his last in elementary.
Jesse and Dax's PineWood Derby car took 2nd place; way to go Cub Scouts.
Planning our first camping trip for the end of March; cannot wait.
Have been away from the gym for two weeks because I have been sick (and both children); went yesterday and my calves are really feeling it.
Rumors about NASA being put on hold are making me nervous about Jesse's job security. So far we are the only ones in our family not being hit by the economy downfall. Praying daily.
That was SO much easier than really telling anything. If you are really interested in the outcome of any of my status updates, comment and I will elaborate. Otherwise, have a great week and I hope I have something of substance to write about soon.
I became a football addict this year and my fave team made it to and won Superbowl 44. Go Saints!
Remodeling and refurbishing bedrooms! Almost done and they look GREAT!!
Feeling like an incompetent teacher as of late; nothing to warrant it just me being me.
We have caught EVERY illness that has gone around this year; lots of days out of school for the boys good thing they are geniuses!
Tel knows all of his letters (capitals and lowercase) and their sounds--- Kindergarten will be a breeze!
Dax is still awesome at school; reads on a high school level and understands it too. Next year is his last in elementary.
Jesse and Dax's PineWood Derby car took 2nd place; way to go Cub Scouts.
Planning our first camping trip for the end of March; cannot wait.
Have been away from the gym for two weeks because I have been sick (and both children); went yesterday and my calves are really feeling it.
Rumors about NASA being put on hold are making me nervous about Jesse's job security. So far we are the only ones in our family not being hit by the economy downfall. Praying daily.
That was SO much easier than really telling anything. If you are really interested in the outcome of any of my status updates, comment and I will elaborate. Otherwise, have a great week and I hope I have something of substance to write about soon.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Trying to be "back"
I haven't had much to share in a VERY long time and the more time that passed the harder it was to think of anything to post. I am now going to make a point of posting something weekly, whether it entertains or not. Today I will begin with something that is hard to ignore: Snow. I have close to 3 feet of snow from 2, count them 2, snow storms in one week. Snow is great from afar and on Christmas other than that it is wet, cold, and melts into messiness. As a child, like most children, I loved snow. There were about 5 reasons I loved snow and there are equally as many reasons why I despise it now:
1. My favorite part of snow was being the first "being" to walk through a fresh snow fall. I don't know why, I just got so tickled to be the first to plant my footsteps into the white canvas. I usually would write my name with my path.
2. Sledding. We have great hills in my home town and not a lot of town money to afford snow removal let alone salt. The hills were great!
3. Building snowmen. Mine never got really big because it is a lot of work! The base ball usually turned into the body as a whole because I would be exhausted and only lift a small ball to set atop as the head.
4. Twice growing up the school bus didn't make it to my town because of the weather and because of those times I prayed, and truly believed it would become a regular occurrence, each time it snowed it wouldn't get here and we would have a 'snow day'!!
5. Shoveling the walk. I think this was like number one: being the first to make a mark. I would really shovel to nowhere because my dad would beat me to the actual walkway.
The reasons I despise the snow or the above mentioned activities:
1. Being the first to walk in snow means I will have to bundle up to walk to nowhere and all that will really happen is snow getting up my pant-leg or down my boots--- WHY BOTHER
2. I do have fun sledding once or twice a year but anymore than that would land me in a chiropractor's office for the remaining 8 months. My tailbone just can't take the jumps and my arms can't take the emergency rolls anymore.
3. As I said, I was never really good at snowmen and tried to build one for Dax once (and failed) my ego is better off without the humiliating looks I get from my children
4. I don't ride a bus anymore instead I get to drive in the god-forsaken shit. I am not as scared of doing so as I once was (I would have panic attacks---SERIOUSLY!) I am now more afraid of the idiots who think they know it all and end up wrecking and putting the rest of us in danger.
5. Ok, I still love to shovel the walk and most times I am the first out there. Maybe it goes back to making the first mark with a twist of social acceptance: its normal for an adult to shovel snow but not randomly walk in the yard in a path that spells my name.
I do enjoy a good, heavy, white-out snow storm when I am home, do not have to be anywhere for a couple of days and have a bottomless coffee pot with sugar-free french vanilla creamer....that sounds pretty good right now: COME ON SNOW STORM!!
1. My favorite part of snow was being the first "being" to walk through a fresh snow fall. I don't know why, I just got so tickled to be the first to plant my footsteps into the white canvas. I usually would write my name with my path.
2. Sledding. We have great hills in my home town and not a lot of town money to afford snow removal let alone salt. The hills were great!
3. Building snowmen. Mine never got really big because it is a lot of work! The base ball usually turned into the body as a whole because I would be exhausted and only lift a small ball to set atop as the head.
4. Twice growing up the school bus didn't make it to my town because of the weather and because of those times I prayed, and truly believed it would become a regular occurrence, each time it snowed it wouldn't get here and we would have a 'snow day'!!
5. Shoveling the walk. I think this was like number one: being the first to make a mark. I would really shovel to nowhere because my dad would beat me to the actual walkway.
The reasons I despise the snow or the above mentioned activities:
1. Being the first to walk in snow means I will have to bundle up to walk to nowhere and all that will really happen is snow getting up my pant-leg or down my boots--- WHY BOTHER
2. I do have fun sledding once or twice a year but anymore than that would land me in a chiropractor's office for the remaining 8 months. My tailbone just can't take the jumps and my arms can't take the emergency rolls anymore.
3. As I said, I was never really good at snowmen and tried to build one for Dax once (and failed) my ego is better off without the humiliating looks I get from my children
4. I don't ride a bus anymore instead I get to drive in the god-forsaken shit. I am not as scared of doing so as I once was (I would have panic attacks---SERIOUSLY!) I am now more afraid of the idiots who think they know it all and end up wrecking and putting the rest of us in danger.
5. Ok, I still love to shovel the walk and most times I am the first out there. Maybe it goes back to making the first mark with a twist of social acceptance: its normal for an adult to shovel snow but not randomly walk in the yard in a path that spells my name.
I do enjoy a good, heavy, white-out snow storm when I am home, do not have to be anywhere for a couple of days and have a bottomless coffee pot with sugar-free french vanilla creamer....that sounds pretty good right now: COME ON SNOW STORM!!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Just a Quickie
Thought that would intrigue you but I am meaning literally, quick post to let you know I am still alive. Thought I would give you a quick run down on my summer thus far:
--Dax has been working for my dad, cement work. Very hard and dirty work but he has been doing it. Up at 7, working 8-4 and making $5 an hour (I didn't make that til I was a freshman in college). He has earned enough to pay for 1/2 of football fees, put some away for Disneyland and school clothes, and bought a $50 Wii game he has been drooling over but I refused to purchase. He was also enrolled in a visual arts camp which he finished today. The finale was a professional looking art exhibit featuring all of their work. He loved the camp and is looking forward to next year.
--Tel has come to love summer "cavation". Because last year was his first year of 'school' (3 year old preschool) he appreciates the not having to shower and go to bed before it is dark and waking before it is light. He has been doing swimming lessons again this year and is amazing. If he could get the turn your head to breathe thing down he would graduate to level 4 which is made up of 8-10 year olds!! He is a little fish.
--I went to Oklahoma at the end of May to see my cousin graduate from Army Bootcamp. I was an emotional wreck. This cousin is more like a first child for me: I baby sat him since he was one week old, took part in his potty training, taught him to tie his shoes, took him to see all the kiddo movies when he was in elementary, talked to teachers when he was struggling in school, provided the automobile and the bravery to go to Junior Prom, was the "parent" at senior pictures, and helped him purchase his first car. I love him so much and he has grown strides while there; literally and figuratively. He is easy 5-6 inches taller and weighs 10 more pounds. The Oklahoma City Memorial is beautiful and if you ever get the chance go and see it. Very humbling and heartbreaking. I was very surprised at how green it is in the OK city, Lawton area. I did a lot of sight seeing, including finding Geronimo's grave (way cool for a nerd like me). I hope to go back.
--Our family vacay this year is a week in southern California. We will spend two days in Disneyland and one day on the beach (2 days for leisurely travel-- I love finding interesting things along the way). The boys are excited, Hubbie is not so much. Have to let you know how he does with the traffic given the fact he has very little patience for anything.
-- I got a new car. Have been bugging Hubbie about a new car for awhile and he gave me the green light last week. I am now cruising a white with grey trim Chevy Traverse. Captain seats in second row, satellite radio, Onstar, all wheel drive, and all the storage room I could imagine!! I am in HEAVEN.
--One last thing: I am an idiot. I periodically have my hair colored. I know shocking considering my young age and lack of grey hair....not. When I do so I have my eyebrows tinted too, because with age they have lightened, no I will not admit to them going grey they are just lighter. Before the appointment I tweeze and trim to shaped them nicely so that the tint will look 'natural'. As I approached the middle of my left brow I realized I had forgotten to put the guard on my eyebrow trimmer and was in fact SHAVING MY FRICKIN EYEBROW! All that came to mind and mouth was oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! So for the past 2 weeks I have been penciling in a false brow so that I did not look like some frat party gone wrong. So next time you see an old pic of Vanilla Ice (am I aging myself...) remember to always have your trimmer guard on before you go to trim.
--Ok not so much a quickie. Have a great summer.
--Dax has been working for my dad, cement work. Very hard and dirty work but he has been doing it. Up at 7, working 8-4 and making $5 an hour (I didn't make that til I was a freshman in college). He has earned enough to pay for 1/2 of football fees, put some away for Disneyland and school clothes, and bought a $50 Wii game he has been drooling over but I refused to purchase. He was also enrolled in a visual arts camp which he finished today. The finale was a professional looking art exhibit featuring all of their work. He loved the camp and is looking forward to next year.
--Tel has come to love summer "cavation". Because last year was his first year of 'school' (3 year old preschool) he appreciates the not having to shower and go to bed before it is dark and waking before it is light. He has been doing swimming lessons again this year and is amazing. If he could get the turn your head to breathe thing down he would graduate to level 4 which is made up of 8-10 year olds!! He is a little fish.
--I went to Oklahoma at the end of May to see my cousin graduate from Army Bootcamp. I was an emotional wreck. This cousin is more like a first child for me: I baby sat him since he was one week old, took part in his potty training, taught him to tie his shoes, took him to see all the kiddo movies when he was in elementary, talked to teachers when he was struggling in school, provided the automobile and the bravery to go to Junior Prom, was the "parent" at senior pictures, and helped him purchase his first car. I love him so much and he has grown strides while there; literally and figuratively. He is easy 5-6 inches taller and weighs 10 more pounds. The Oklahoma City Memorial is beautiful and if you ever get the chance go and see it. Very humbling and heartbreaking. I was very surprised at how green it is in the OK city, Lawton area. I did a lot of sight seeing, including finding Geronimo's grave (way cool for a nerd like me). I hope to go back.
--Our family vacay this year is a week in southern California. We will spend two days in Disneyland and one day on the beach (2 days for leisurely travel-- I love finding interesting things along the way). The boys are excited, Hubbie is not so much. Have to let you know how he does with the traffic given the fact he has very little patience for anything.
-- I got a new car. Have been bugging Hubbie about a new car for awhile and he gave me the green light last week. I am now cruising a white with grey trim Chevy Traverse. Captain seats in second row, satellite radio, Onstar, all wheel drive, and all the storage room I could imagine!! I am in HEAVEN.
--One last thing: I am an idiot. I periodically have my hair colored. I know shocking considering my young age and lack of grey hair....not. When I do so I have my eyebrows tinted too, because with age they have lightened, no I will not admit to them going grey they are just lighter. Before the appointment I tweeze and trim to shaped them nicely so that the tint will look 'natural'. As I approached the middle of my left brow I realized I had forgotten to put the guard on my eyebrow trimmer and was in fact SHAVING MY FRICKIN EYEBROW! All that came to mind and mouth was oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! So for the past 2 weeks I have been penciling in a false brow so that I did not look like some frat party gone wrong. So next time you see an old pic of Vanilla Ice (am I aging myself...) remember to always have your trimmer guard on before you go to trim.
--Ok not so much a quickie. Have a great summer.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Top 10 List of why I haven't been blogging
These are the top 10 ways I have been prevented to blog in the last month; enjoy!!
10. Brother took his horse home, my horse got lonely and broke out of corral. Went looking for companionship and cut her nose; hellaciously. Feeling guilty and stress over vet bill prevented me.
9. Hubbie has been on unforgiving schedule for 3 months. Single parenthood and missing just seeing hubbie prevented me.
8. Spring has, sort of, sprung! No explanation needed.
7. Spring means cleaning out corral. Transferring about 3 truck-loads of manure to garden spot to prep veggie garden prevented me.
6. NEW. STUDENTS. EVERY. WEEK. Catching them up in the middle of a quarter has prevented me.
5. Final assignment is due in teacher training class. Feeling guilty that computer is on and I'm not doing my homework has prevented me.
4. Tel turned 4 this month. Planning and having his party prevented me.
3. Dax had his school talent show today. Motivating (yelling at) him to practice his piece has prevented me.
2. Dogs were playing a little too rambunctiously and my Shih-tzu got hurt. Vet had to remove his eye. That guilt and vet bill has REALLY stressed me which in turn prevented me.
AND THE #1 REASON I HAVE BEEN PREVENTED TO BLOG IS...
I have been too lazy to do so, haven't found anything of interest to share, have been glued to worthless reality TV (Housewives, Biggest Loser, Dancing with the Stars, and god forgive me, Bridget's Beaches), have been enjoying just reading every other blog, and yes I am an excuse giver. Sorry.
10. Brother took his horse home, my horse got lonely and broke out of corral. Went looking for companionship and cut her nose; hellaciously. Feeling guilty and stress over vet bill prevented me.
9. Hubbie has been on unforgiving schedule for 3 months. Single parenthood and missing just seeing hubbie prevented me.
8. Spring has, sort of, sprung! No explanation needed.
7. Spring means cleaning out corral. Transferring about 3 truck-loads of manure to garden spot to prep veggie garden prevented me.
6. NEW. STUDENTS. EVERY. WEEK. Catching them up in the middle of a quarter has prevented me.
5. Final assignment is due in teacher training class. Feeling guilty that computer is on and I'm not doing my homework has prevented me.
4. Tel turned 4 this month. Planning and having his party prevented me.
3. Dax had his school talent show today. Motivating (yelling at) him to practice his piece has prevented me.
2. Dogs were playing a little too rambunctiously and my Shih-tzu got hurt. Vet had to remove his eye. That guilt and vet bill has REALLY stressed me which in turn prevented me.
AND THE #1 REASON I HAVE BEEN PREVENTED TO BLOG IS...
I have been too lazy to do so, haven't found anything of interest to share, have been glued to worthless reality TV (Housewives, Biggest Loser, Dancing with the Stars, and god forgive me, Bridget's Beaches), have been enjoying just reading every other blog, and yes I am an excuse giver. Sorry.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
LIVVVVIIIIIDDDD and bored
I am livid! How am I to spend my lunch hour now??? My school computer filter has now been programmed to block Twitter. What is next blogger? Oh please god no.... I will go insane!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
This n That
Before I begin I will truthfully tell you that I wanted to title this post "thises and thats" (sp?) but because I didn't know the proper spelling of a made up word I decided against it. Lord knows I don't want total strangers judging me by my misspelled made up word titles.
Tel update: doing well in school, wants me to teach him how to read the kindergarten "sight words" (for all of you post kindergarten mommies you know what I'm talking about for the rest of you: it doesn't really matter he's 3 and wants to read), and let me in on a well known fact about Star Wars the other day. As I was spraying his hair with water to begin the comb down of the unruly thick curly blond hair he sports, he let me know "there are no combs on Star Wars". My reply "oh no? Then how does Anakin comb his hair?" "He doesn't and the only water on Star Wars isn't in bottles, it is caca water in a pond". He did not fight me on the hair combing that morning like he normally does, instead he was changing his battle tactics--civil discussion. Except I believe his strategy was to make me feel as though I was less than the occupants of Star Wars and recognize that if I wanted to measure up to their "coolness" I would have to fore go the comb and spray bottle of water. Hmmmm.... Now as he shows me a Mr Potato head dressed like a Clone Trooper but with the huge white Mr Potato Head teeth underneath the mask he lets me know that no it is not "silly" as I replied when he showed it to me, "it is awesome". I am finding that all of my taste must be in my mouth; according to a budding Einstein 3 year old.
Dax update: still top student in his class but just got over being suspended from the school bus. I am not an advocate of fighting, I am teaching my sons that the bigger man can walk away when they are in a tense situation, yet if you get punched hit back just so they know you cannot be walked on. There is a new boy (5th grader) in town who has been picking on (physically and verbally) every younger boy on the bus. When Dax brought home the paper that stated he was suspended for three days it also stated that I must go to the bus garage to view the security video. I did because deep down, even though he said that he did hit the other boy, I thought there must be a mistake. Dax is such a mild mannered child, one who has stuck up for other kids, verbally, one who comforts the sad and definitely not one to pummel a child. The video showed a group of 5 boys, one of them being Dax, sitting at the back of the bus. You could clearly hear the verbal assaults coming from 3 of the boys and muffled remarks coming from the new boy and honest to God Dax wasn't saying a word: just smiling and nodding. All of a sudden he flips his face toward the new boy and yells in this voice I have never heard before or after "Shut the eff up you shithead"; then he leaps diagonally across the aisle of the bus and repeatedly punches the new boy OVER AND OVER AND OVER, WIDE SWINGS, SOLID HITS until a friend literally gets underneath Dax and pushes him away. I did not know my son swears but am happy that he will not say "the bomb".....yet; eff is good enough for him right now. I don't know what the new boy said, I do know of the many things he has said and done to others which are not nice but nothing bad enough for me to consider physical harm a solution. I was so upset that the only thing that would come to mind when speaking to Dax was "you have become a thug". NIIIIICE!
Me update: going to spin tonight, haven't been for over a week because hubbie has been working every night it was scheduled. Scared to go, know it will hurt. ...think bikini...think bikini...think bikini...
Tel update: doing well in school, wants me to teach him how to read the kindergarten "sight words" (for all of you post kindergarten mommies you know what I'm talking about for the rest of you: it doesn't really matter he's 3 and wants to read), and let me in on a well known fact about Star Wars the other day. As I was spraying his hair with water to begin the comb down of the unruly thick curly blond hair he sports, he let me know "there are no combs on Star Wars". My reply "oh no? Then how does Anakin comb his hair?" "He doesn't and the only water on Star Wars isn't in bottles, it is caca water in a pond". He did not fight me on the hair combing that morning like he normally does, instead he was changing his battle tactics--civil discussion. Except I believe his strategy was to make me feel as though I was less than the occupants of Star Wars and recognize that if I wanted to measure up to their "coolness" I would have to fore go the comb and spray bottle of water. Hmmmm.... Now as he shows me a Mr Potato head dressed like a Clone Trooper but with the huge white Mr Potato Head teeth underneath the mask he lets me know that no it is not "silly" as I replied when he showed it to me, "it is awesome". I am finding that all of my taste must be in my mouth; according to a budding Einstein 3 year old.
Dax update: still top student in his class but just got over being suspended from the school bus. I am not an advocate of fighting, I am teaching my sons that the bigger man can walk away when they are in a tense situation, yet if you get punched hit back just so they know you cannot be walked on. There is a new boy (5th grader) in town who has been picking on (physically and verbally) every younger boy on the bus. When Dax brought home the paper that stated he was suspended for three days it also stated that I must go to the bus garage to view the security video. I did because deep down, even though he said that he did hit the other boy, I thought there must be a mistake. Dax is such a mild mannered child, one who has stuck up for other kids, verbally, one who comforts the sad and definitely not one to pummel a child. The video showed a group of 5 boys, one of them being Dax, sitting at the back of the bus. You could clearly hear the verbal assaults coming from 3 of the boys and muffled remarks coming from the new boy and honest to God Dax wasn't saying a word: just smiling and nodding. All of a sudden he flips his face toward the new boy and yells in this voice I have never heard before or after "Shut the eff up you shithead"; then he leaps diagonally across the aisle of the bus and repeatedly punches the new boy OVER AND OVER AND OVER, WIDE SWINGS, SOLID HITS until a friend literally gets underneath Dax and pushes him away. I did not know my son swears but am happy that he will not say "the bomb".....yet; eff is good enough for him right now. I don't know what the new boy said, I do know of the many things he has said and done to others which are not nice but nothing bad enough for me to consider physical harm a solution. I was so upset that the only thing that would come to mind when speaking to Dax was "you have become a thug". NIIIIICE!
Me update: going to spin tonight, haven't been for over a week because hubbie has been working every night it was scheduled. Scared to go, know it will hurt. ...think bikini...think bikini...think bikini...
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